Caring for elderly parents can cause overwhelming stress and burnout. Many adult children feel trapped caring for their aging parent, which can lead to emotional and physical problems for both the caregiver and their parent.
It’s important to approach the topic of caregiving with sensitivity and compassion. But if their safety is in danger, you should be firm and bring in outside help as soon as possible.
1. They don’t want help
Many adult children take on the responsibility of caring for their elderly parents out of a sense of loyalty and obligation, as well as a desire to pay back for the care that their parents gave them in the past. However, juggling your parents’ needs with the demands of your own family and career can be physically and emotionally exhausting. And if you don’t make self-care a priority, you may find yourself burned out and unable to continue caring for your loved one.
Elderly parents often resist asking for help because they fear losing their independence, which can lead to a spiral of negative feelings and emotional turmoil in the relationship. They may also have a hard time accepting the fact that their condition is getting worse and that they require a higher level of care.
In this case, you may need to be more forceful with your approach and remind them that their actions are putting themselves and others in danger. This is especially true if they have dementia or other cognitive issues that cause them to act recklessly and not understand their own limitations.
If your parents refuse to accept your offer of help, you can always seek professional assistance from a geriatric care manager who can evaluate their situation and develop a short- and long-term plan to meet their needs. Geriatric care managers are usually licensed social workers or nurses, and they specialize in taking care of seniors. In addition to providing professional care, they can also provide emotional support and a lifeline of support for caregivers. You can find a geriatric care manager through community organizations, private practices, or by talking with your doctor.
2. They don’t want to move
A major reason why aging parents are reluctant to move is that they’ve established roots in their current community. They’ve built relationships with neighbors and doctors and have a strong attachment to their home. Changing this could be very difficult for them.
If your elderly parents are resistant to moving, consider talking to them about their options before deciding for them. Make sure they know that resources are available that can help them stay at home and keep them safe, such as in-home care. In addition, you may be able to find some assistance within your community that can help you take care of your loved ones.
Keeping your aging parents at home may be more beneficial for both of you in the long run. For instance, if your parent is experiencing medical issues, you can monitor them more closely and catch any symptoms before they get worse. You also won’t have to worry about them forgetting to schedule doctor appointments or taking medication as frequently as they should.
On the other hand, juggling your duties can be overwhelming if you have a busy job and kids of your own. Many caregivers have to reduce their hours at work or even leave their careers entirely in order to take care of their aging parents. This can result in financial difficulties, stress, and depression.
You can try to change your parents’ minds by letting them know the benefits of moving, such as getting rid of excess clutter and establishing new friends and doctors in their area. However, if they insist on staying at home, you must respect their decision and understand why they feel that way.
3. They don’t want to change
If you have elderly parents and are starting to notice they’re having difficulty living at home, it’s normal to want to help them adjust. However, there comes a point where it’s important to take charge of your parents’ care to ensure they are safe and happy. If your mom or dad are forgetful, missing appointments, struggling with daily tasks, or risking their own safety, it may be necessary to intervene despite their resistance.
In many cases, older adults who resist taking care of themselves are afraid to lose their independence and don’t want to feel like they’re burdening their children. However, they may also be worried about aging and what it means for their future health. Talking to them about their concerns and encouraging them to consider their options is essential, but it can be difficult if they don’t listen.
Sometimes a parent’s stubbornness is due to an underlying condition, such as Alzheimer’s or dementia. It can be challenging to communicate how serious their situation is when they’re unable to comprehend or remember what you say. In these instances, it’s a good idea to consult professionals who can show them the severity of their condition and explain their options for care.
Caring for elderly parents can be emotionally and physically taxing, especially when your own family is demanding your attention. It’s important to set boundaries so that you can take care of your own needs and regain some balance in your life. Consider asking a trusted family member to pitch in or joining a support group for caregivers so you can vent your frustrations and learn tips from others on how to handle challenging situations.
4. They don’t want to leave their home
One of the most important things you can do for your elderly parents is to make sure they are safe and secure in their home. This might mean installing grab bars in the bathroom, removing rugs and carpet snags, and ensuring they can safely get in and out of their home. It also might mean helping them to arrange their living arrangements so they can sleep safely, making sure their medications are easily accessible and that their home is well-lit. In addition, having access to a seniors helpline in case of falls can provide peace of mind, ensuring they can get immediate assistance if they experience a fall when no one is around.
However, some elderly parents will not allow you to help them in this way, and they may refuse to move from their home where they have lived for decades. This can be frustrating for family caregivers, especially if they live far away and do not have the ability to visit frequently. Elderly parents who refuse to move often resent and are angry toward their family members, especially if they are forced to give up their independence.
If you find yourself in this position, remember the old adage that “you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make them drink.” Be patient and approach the situation with compassion. Explain that you want to do everything you can to keep them as comfortable and independent as possible, and show that you are listening by involving them in the process.
Depending on your parent’s health, it might be time to look into in-home care options, where a professional geriatric care manager can assist with household chores and medication management. Many communities have senior care agencies that offer these services, and some even offer transportation to and from appointments.
5. They don’t want to lose their independence
When aging parents need help, it can be difficult to get them to accept it. They may be afraid of becoming a burden on their family, losing control over their life, or being viewed as incompetent.For this reason, it is important to communicate with your parents in a respectful way that recognizes their emotions and feelings. This can help to ease tensions and make it easier to find solutions. Having a conversation with your parents can also help you to understand what they are fearful of and why they may be resistant to accepting assistance.
Many Americans are part of the “sandwich generation,” meaning they care for their children and aging parents at the same time. This can be very stressful and lead to caregiver burnout. It is essential for adult children to take breaks and seek support from friends and family members. This can also help them maintain their health and well-being, which is critical for caregiving.
In addition to taking breaks from caregiving, it is also a good idea to consider seeking professional help which you can find by searching for terms like ‘caregiver agencies near me‘ or you could even consider living with a relative. This can alleviate some of the stress from caregiving and allow family members to focus on their own lives and work.
